Nobody Really Leaves
Liana Hanokaee
Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo
Look He leaves another clue
That you’ll persevere and they’re still here
When chills come over your body there’s nothing to fear
Get out, first put on your shoe.
You are my hero
Liana Hanokaee You are my hero, he tells her often when she holds his pinky. When she asks how or why, he says he’ll tell her when she’s older. But heroes beat the bad guys, Fly across the city to untie hostages, Put out fires, Save people from burning buildings, Get people home safe, Make sure people are okay, Protect and Guard… But she hadn’t done any of those things. She was four or five years old. Before bedtime, he reads to her, but this time he wasn’t coming. After calling, “Daddddyyyy!” for a while, she gets out of bed to find him. He’s on the floor crying. She’s young. She doesn’t understand, but she knows he’s in pain. “I’m sorry. I can’t read to you anymore baba” He’s not feeling okay right now, but why does he have to stop reading with her? Time passes and she reads alone, but she is not one of the smart kids who reads all the time. He still tells her, “You are my hero” and she holds his pinky.
Something I really loved about this poem was that it's clearly about something serious but it's written in such a light fun way that reminisces a childhood fairytale. This makes it feel timeless to me in a really cool way! One think I would add is that I love the idea of the ending and how you give this message of starting over through a metaphor that ties into the Cinderella motif and I think if you had a few more lines developing it then it would be even more powerful. But overall really loved it!
ReplyDeletethe way this poem ends is beautifully random and gives a depth that illuminates the rest of the poem. my suggestion would be to experience with inner rhymes to give this a more three dimensional tone, but i think this is great
ReplyDeleteI love this and I love that you wrote something that is so simple and short but conveys such a strong message. This is hard to do with few lines so just note that you did a lot with a little bit and I love that.
ReplyDeleteI love how you talk about the first line saying "look he leaves another clue" the word another shows us this is the middle of a story which is intriguing. As much as I love this I will be honest I am a bit confused. As you use you and there in the third stanza it may be powerful to say whom in a sense. If it were a mother for example you could say mother will be okay instead of you'll. That being said I don't know who your speaking about to this is just a suggestion to make it more clear. I love your closing line bringing us back to reality. "Get out" you say conquer life and try, but "first put on your shoe" I LOVE this and how great of a reminder it is to take things slow. Amazing poem thanks for sharing.
This poem seems like it wants to be a limerick, like the famous old bit of doggerel, "There Once Was a Man from Nantucket." Limericks are fun to write, especially when you feel stuck, because the form sort of writes itself, once you get it stuck in your head.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't quite a limerick, though, because lines three and four have too many syllables, and the rhythms are bit wonky. For me the easiest way to write a poem like this is to first read a couple of others, so that I can hear the syllabic rhythm, then I just try to echo the same pattern as in the example poem.
I'm also wondering who the "they" are that are "still here." Hmmm...
This poem is so heartwarming and actually something I really needed to hear right now- thank you, Liana. And the way how this sounds so lyrical and whimsical is just so beautiful. I really love this!
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