Thinking thinking
Liana Hanokaee
I used to look outside the window pane
Not only to see the stars glitter free
Thinking till five, I drive myself insane
Until my grandma’s spirit comes to me.
My pink nail polish chipped, it wasn’t fair
But matter served nothing if you weren’t mine
When the clock broke, though easily repaired
I quit ticking, staring until round nine.
Hands float around the dark of the axes
One four leaf clover wishes to be seen
What if this green around me is a test?
What if a four leaf clover lost a leaf?
How will I know if the right one is you?
How does one meet the role they ought to do?
Ah yeah, it's sonnet time! Seriously, this is a real sonnet in nearly perfect form and with some evocative, rhythmic lines. My favorite line is "What if this green around me is a test?" Since this is the first sonnet I have seen from the class, I want to discuss it on Monday. So I will give you more comments about this after class.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem! there is so much imagery that I really like. my favorite line is
ReplyDelete"The clock broke, it was easy to repair
And I still stand there staring at a sign"
I think this is such a beautiful line that flows really well and I personally love the use of time and clocks as metaphors in writing. I also love your use of the imagery of a four leaf clover as something that people make wishes on and I think it might be cool if you changed the word "prays" to "wishes" to sort of parallel this idea.
Wow I love this sonnet and it made me have so much to visualize. I love the questions the speaker asks like "What if this green around me is a test?" as you describe natures green you see it as a test as well. The way you questioned this resonated with me. Then you close off with two more questions I admire as well
ReplyDeleteHow will I know if the right one is you?
How does one meet the role they are to do?
This is a very deep idea going around all of life and I love it. One small suggestion I have is just to make this art even stronger. When you say
The clock broke, it was easy to repair
And I still stand there staring at a sign I think you should change this line to
Still I stand there staring at a sign
Removing those extra words makes this idea of time even stronger. I loved this sonnet so much thank you for sharing.
this poem reminds me of looking back on the ghost of you were. and you take such a modern angle with this sonnet. i am very convinced and touched by your lines. "Matter served nothing if you were not mine"-- this reminds me of a ball of energy rolling in space, and without love, it all means nothing.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this sonnet. I read this poem a few times and each time I had the same feeling. It was as if I was listening to someone's last words, them reminiscing about life and the questions they've asked. I don't know why that's how I read it but it made this poem stand out a lot to me. My favorite line was:
ReplyDeleteWhat if a four leaf clover lost a leaf?
This line spoke to me because it felt as though you had taken something so unreliable, luck, and made it so much more complex. Now luck doesn't feel coincidental.